Finding myself in the Old Testament

As I was reading in Genesis 50 today which is where Joseph's dad has died and now his brothers are afraid that Joseph is going to really give them what they deserve, I experienced God speaking to me and saying Terry - like these brothers you don't trust me after all I have done for you and all that I have healed you from. If you read the scripture when Joseph's brothers mistrusted him after all he had done, it says Joseph wept. I wonder if I make God weep when I refuse to trust him no matter how many times he shows Himself to be absolutely faithful and trustworthy. What is it in me that refuses to trust? Does the past still somewhat control my future because I find it extremely difficult to trust God in some areas of my life?

I admitted my mistrust to God and asked Him to make the change in me because I know I cannot. And I know that He will because He has enabled me in the past to finally believe he loved me after 9 l/2 years as a Christian and still believing that I was unlovable. These walls we put up are sure hard to tear down and in my life I have found usually God is the only one who can.